Naruto Redone!
by OutlawStarFan
Summary: What if someone actually gave a damn about Naruto and trained him to his full potential?  Main pairings are Naruto/Tayuya/Fuu/Yugito and Janus/Eva/Anko.  AU/OOC/Bashing!   Major bashing of Sasuke/Sakura/Kakashi/Jiraiya/Sarutobi/Kiba/Haishi/Neji/civilians.


Disclaimer: Just in case some moron wonders, I obviously don't own anything here but my demented imagination. All characters are owned by their respective authors and/or game producers. This story WILL include: bashing of major characters; BDSM; slaves; yuri; AU; OOC; violence; foul language; DESTRUCTION OF YAOI!; lemons (hmmm…lemons…hmmm); did I mention lemons?; and character death. Don't like? See that "X" at the top-right of your screen? Click it. By continuing on, you acknowledge and agree to the blatantly obvious disclaimer; won't go crying like a biatch to the admin if you don't like what I write; and understand that I WILL hack your system if you ignore the disclaimer/agreement and flame me anyways. I have done it other flamers, and I WILL do it again.

"Talk"

'Thought'

"**Bijuu/empowered talking**"

'**Bijuu/empowered thinking**'

Jutsu

**Bijuu/empowered jutsu**

Most Naruto stories generally take place during one of several canon-defined areas, or "arcs" if you will. Most prevalent of these themes are the Chunin Exam, the academy, or the return of Naruto after his "training" with the good-for-nothing excuse of a godfather Jiraiya. Not this story. This story doesn't begin in Konoha, the Fire Nation, or even on the planet. Hell, one of the main characters doesn't even exist in the same universe as Naruto!

I suppose I should explain. To do that, an introduction is in order. I am the son of Galadriel and Sauron. Don't ask; I don't see what mom saw in him. Throughout my life (and (un-life) I have been called many names. The first name I "earned" was the Witch King. Yeah, that was me. Everyone ASSUMED that Sauron dominated my will. The truth is that I willingly turned myself with my powers into what they thought was a "Ring Wraith." Pops saw how effective I was, and turned the eight other human kings into pale imitations of me. The ninth ring you ask? I personally destroyed it. Only eight rings were given to the hands of men.

After my "death" at the hands of the Rohan warrior-princess, I refused to simply pass as I saw my foolish father about to. Instead, at the instance she struck me with her blade, I used all of my power and literally ripped open a gateway into another realm. Doing so cost me what humans would call their "life." I was turned by my power, and became the No Life King, in "service" to the Hellsing family.

Upon the death of Integra Hellsing, last of her family, I found my self-chosen service was at an end, and wanted another purpose. I found it in another realm, this time as Zodiark, Keeper of Precepts. My job in this new realm? Simple. I was the absolute barrier between mortals and the immortals, becoming eternal myself in the process. I also truly earned my only nickname: Godslayer.

Like many realms before it, that realm began to fade away. So I chose to enter yet another realm. Unlike the other realms, this time I chose to bind my immortal powers and take the shape and life of a "mere" mortal. My name? Albiero Imma: pervert; trickster; rune master (seals too!) extraordinaire; and lover of Evangeline A.K. McDowell. After sacrificing herself to save her apprentice (and both the magical and mundane worlds), I had finally had it. I had fully determined to utterly destroy my eternal powers and die as a mortal. Fate (pun VERY much intended) had other ideas.

It would seem that my services were once again needed. For the first time, instead of "volunteering" my services, Kami did what no other being has ever done: ask! True, she didn't ask before literally dragging me from my well-deserved (at least in my mind) funk, ripping a hole in space-time, and bringing me to her realm…but hey, nobody's perfect, right?

Yes, even Kami can make mistakes. One would think summoning a pissed off, homicidal being with the nickname Godslayer would be a HUGE mistake. Apparently, from what I soon discovered, bringing me here didn't even rate!

Hard to believe, right? Apparently not. In Kami's realm, there were other powers that could rival her for dominance, chief among them the Shinigami King; not to mention mortals able to achieve power to challenge the gods themselves! After a long, drawn out war, Kami unilaterally decreed a strict policy of non-intervention. Does anyone else find that incredibly stupid? Hello! Divine being that kicked the metaphorical asses of her rivals by either ensuring their complete loyalty or by killing them; and utterly destroying the mortals that dared challenge her by unleashing the Bijuu on them just decided to no longer give a damn? Biggest damn mistake EVER! Or so I thought…

Her biggest mistake has now come full circle. That's right, the bijuu. The ORIGINAL purpose of the bijuu was to hunt down and kill any mortal who tried to pervert the natural order of life. Basically, anyone who CHOSE to attain immortality of any sort was the bijuu's prey. Death is supposed to be a natural part of life. Now before you get all self-righteous on me, remember this: I AM NOT HUMAN! My race is BORN immortal! (As a "historical" note: in the Lord of the Rings, both Elves and Wizards are considered immortal. Yes, they can be killed like any other being, but they can't die from natural causes.)

After completing their original goal, the nine bijuu (my story will NOT have the Juubi!) dispersed themselves to be protectors of Man in what is now called the Elemental Nations. Over time, the humans, just like in every realm I've been to, found new ways to destroy each other. They developed weapons; learned how to harness their internal energies; and even learned how to summon beings to serve them. Not content with this level of death and destruction, they decided to "create" ultimate weapons by sealing the most powerful of beings. This perversion of nature took its course, and eventually humans created jinchuuriki: humans with a bijuu sealed within them. Over time, this cursed cycle carried on to the present, with Kyuubi being sealed within Naruto.

It has been said that the road to hell is paved with good intentions. How true that statement is. Kami had a good intention of sending the bijuu to take care of her upstart rivals, and an even better intention of leaving the bijuu as guardian of Man. As we saw, that so-called good intention has backfired drastically. Unable (or unwilling) to correct her mistake, Kami summoned ME of all beings with the intent to correct it for her!

"Greetings Godslayer. Thank you for coming before me."

"…Kami, as you damn well know, I didn't have a choice in the matter."

"…"

"Now why in the hells did you summon me?" Yeah, I'm pissed.

"I have need of your services."

"YOU have need of MY services? What in the hell for? You're Kami, supreme ruler of this realm. What could you possibly NEED my services for?"

"As you may know, I can't interfere in the mortal realm…"

"Can't, or won't?"

"…and as such, I need someone to correct a grave wrong. I have chosen you for this. Of course, I'm not asking you to do this for free."

"…I see. Tell me Kami, what are you offering and what do you need done?"

"Ever the mercenary Godslayer?"

"…you should damn well know of my history by now. IF, and that's a big if, I decide to agree, I want full disclosure on what you're offering and what in the hell you need done. The last deity that tried to take advantage of me died a slow and extremely agonizing and painful death."

"Sorry. What I'm offering you is all of your knowledge and power you gained from the previous realms you have been to."

"…there isn't a being anywhere in this realm that could face me and stand a chance of winning with ALL of what you are offering me, you included. Now what do you 'need' done?"

Instead of answering, she showed me just exactly what she needed done. Specifically, she showed me Naruto's life, from his point of view. Every beating, every look, every unkind word, EVERYTHING! At the best of times, I could possibly be considered neutral; most of the time, not so much. Ok, so I'm evil. Big effing whoop. But this! What I saw made me violently sick to my stomach, and want to utterly raze Konoha to the ground. I also unleashed enough KI (killing intent) to bring Kami to her knees. Yes, the KI was directed at her.

With tearful eyes, Kami explained "after the horrors of the immortal war, I completely separated the barriers of the mortal and immortal. Any immortal, including me, that uses their power to directly affect the mortal world instantly loses their soul, and any mortal who summons an immortal likewise loses their soul. The best I could do was subtly influence my champions."

"…so why don't you use your champions to fix your mess?"

"Only one mortal each generation is born a champion. The last champion damned his own son Naruto to a life of hell. My current champion, who is a cousin of Naruto, is insane. He has delusions of godhood and is hunting the bijuu and their containers to create an abomination that he has deluded himself will cause 'world peace.'"

"Damn. Why don't you have the other immortals' champions fix your mess?"

"I can't. None of the other immortals have champions."

"…"

"So you see my problem. Will you help me?"

"That depends."

"On what?"

"If you can summon someone for me, I'll do it."

"Who is it?"

"Evangeline A.K. McDowell."

"I can do that, but there will be a price."

"A price?"

"Unfortunately, I can't just summon her before you since she's dead. What I CAN do is seal her within you, tying her life to yours. I also can't give you all of your powers if I do this. Resurrecting the dead comes at a price. At best I can give you seven of your powers. The rest will be lost in exchange for her soul."

"…not good enough."

"It's the best I can do. Some rules can't be broken, even by me."

"Every rule can be broken. You just have to find a way."

"So do you agree?"

"My powers, Eva's soul, and a favor that you will SWEAR on your soul that you will honor, and you have a deal."

"Done. I so swear."

"Then you have a deal Kami."

"What are the seven powers that you wish to keep?"

"First, my genetic abilities."

"Which ones?"

"ALL of them."

"Nice wish. Your second?"

"Second, my sealed weapons?"

"The materia?"

"That and my Staff."

"You realize that you can only use the materia in your true form and the Staff in your angelic form? If you want a weapon in your 'normal' form, you will either have to wish for one, make one yourself, or find one that suits you."

"Wouldn't have it any other way."

"Fair enough. Your third power?"

"Total mastery over my elements."

"You do remember that you can only use darkness and light?"

"Of course."

"Very well. You have total mastery over those elements. Your fourth power?"

"The same as before, but with runes and seals."

"Done. Your fifth power?"

"Not a power but an item. I want my father's Ring of Power."

"That ring was destroyed long ago."

"Recreate it then."

"What do you want it made out of?"

"Jade."

"Done. Your sixth power?"

"The ability to 'turn' those I choose as my mates."

"I can't do that. You can only do that to one person, not counting Eva."

"Not counting her?"

"Her soul is bound to yours. She already is 'turned,' as it were. What I can do is give you the ability to mark your mates. Once marked, they will be ageless. However, if you die, they die as well."

"…I'm eternal, remember?"

"Oops. Kinda redundant, right?"

"…"

"Ok. Well, that wish is done. Your final wish?"

"For some weird, author induced reason; I have to leave that up to the readers to decide in a poll."

"What are you talking about?"

"…I don't know. How about we just do the other six and I'll get back to you on the last power later?"

"As you wish. Now, what favor do you want me to grant?"

"I'll get back to you on that as well. Right now, all I want is Eva-chan."

"Fair enough. Done and done." In a flash of holy light, Eva's soul is resurrected from the void and bound to me. If one looks closely, you can see her pure soul contained within the materia Hope. As the light fades, I smile my first true smile in a LONG time and concentrate. Moments later, Eva appears in all her wonderful glory. If you want to know what she looks like, Google her adult form, and shrink ONLY her height to that of a 15 year-old girl. Meow! (If you get the joke, you get a cookie!)

With a squeal, Eva launches herself towards her lover and gives him a fierce kiss, one which he joyfully returns. Seeing the two lovers pure joy at being reunited through time, space, and even death itself, Kami shouts "Kawaii!" and glomps the two, causing both of them to sweat drop while maintaining their kiss.

After the two lovers reluctantly part after their kiss and Kami FINALLY lets them go from the Glomp of Doom (patent pending), Kami asks them at what age should she send them to. I decide that Eva-chan and I should arrive after Naruto is tricked into stealing the Forbidden Scroll after failing the genin exam for the first time.

"Very well Eva-san and Godslayer…"

"Janus."

"Excuse me?"

"My name is Janus."

"Thanks. Eva-san and Janus-kun, I'm sending you both into the mortal world. Please, correct my foolish mistake and help the poor gaki."

"Um, Kami-sama?"

"Yes Eva-chan?"

"Why us?" Good question Kami, why us?

"Nothing I've done so far has worked. Waiting for a new champion would ensure that Naruto suffers even more than he has. I want him protected, I want him loved. You two are my best bet."

"…Any other reasons Kami?"

At this, Kami gets a shit-eating grin on her face. "Normally, I would combat evil with good. THIS time, I'm going to fight evil with another kind of evil."

Hearing this, both Janus (that's me!) and Eva start laughing with bloodthirsty smiles looks on our faces promising PAIN on those stupid enough to cross us. As a dark portal opens, numerous people throughout the elemental nations suddenly shiver, especially those who had a part in Naruto's hellish life. Those people start whimpering like Jiraiya getting caught peeping by Tsunade, Anko, and Kurenai combined!

Be warned mortals! We have come!

BONK!

"Owch! Eva-chan! What was that for?"

"Stop with the evil monologue and finish the chapter already!"

"Yes dear…"

"Don't you yes dear me you…" With a flash, I summon Eva back into my materia. Gotta love summoning! Anywho, that's wraps up the prologue. The next chapter truly "begins" our story.


End file.
